The Pain You Carry Is the Pain You Chose

The Pain You Carry Is the Pain You Chose

Well, I know it's a bold statement — but not a false one.

The pain you're suffering from right now isn't something unavoidable. It's something you chose for yourself. I know many of you might feel like what I’m saying is complete rubbish. But wait till you read the whole blog, and I guarantee you—you won’t remain the same after this.

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Pain Is Inevitable — Suffering Is Your Choice

You're not sad because of something that happened to you in the past or present. You're sad because, deep down, you’ve decided to be.

And no — I’m not saying your suffering is fake. What I am saying is this: you chose to suffer, either consciously or unconsciously, because suffering serves you in some way. Maybe it gives you attention. Maybe it protects you from trying. Maybe it gives you an identity.

There is a story for the same in buddhism that goes like:-

There are two arrows in life.
The first one is pain — unavoidable, sharp, sudden.
The second one is slower. It comes later. It’s your reaction, your thoughts, your story.
And while the first arrow hits you… the second arrow?
You stand still and let it hit you.
Worse — you sometimes invite it.

You didn’t choose the first arrow. But the second one? The one you keep replaying? That one’s yours.

The second arrow: suffering we invite ourselves

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Change Can Happen Now

If you understood the first point — maybe you’re already feeling the shift. And now you’re wondering: “Can I really change?”

Let me tell you — change doesn’t take years.
It doesn’t even take days. It takes one moment of truth.
One decision — right now.

Anyone can change, but only if they actually want it — not just say they do.

Now you know you can change. But how? First: identify the hidden goal you’re achieving by suffering. Then: stop thinking.

You might say, “How can I live without thinking?” It’s simple: know the difference between thoughts and thinking. (Yeah — there’s a difference. I’ll break that down in my next blog.)

Change starts in this moment

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Master Your Thoughts — Shift to a Growth Mindset

You can’t carry pain and expect growth. You can’t think like a victim and expect freedom. You’ve got to master your thought process — before it masters you.

That means: give up the beliefs you’ve clung to for so long. Shift to a growth mindset — and suddenly even failure becomes fuel. Even sadness becomes a signal, not a sentence.

Stop asking: “Why is this happening to me?”
Start asking: “What is this trying to teach me?”

That’s where real power begins.

"Mindset shift: fixed → growth

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Your Thoughts Are Habits — And Habits Compound

If you’ve read Atomic Habits by James Clear, you know this: habits compound every day — every thought, every reaction, every response. And yes — overthinking and suffering are habits too.

You’re not just thinking. You’re sowing. Every time you replay a negative thought — “I’ll never be happy,” “This always happens to me,” “It’s just who I am” — you’re planting a seed. And those seeds don’t stay small. They sprout. They grow. They take over your life — until one day, you wake up drowning in the very garden you planted.

Habits take root in the mind

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The Final Reflection

So no — you’re not stuck because of what happened. You’re stuck because of what you keep thinking about what happened.

You planted the habit. Now it’s time to pull the root.

The pain you carry? You chose it.
And that means — you can choose to let it go.

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And if this blog helped you — even the slightest — drop a comment and let me know. Let’s grow together.